I awake
calm
determined
ready to find it.
I rummage through emails, messages, calls. Nothing.

I speak
polite
curious
desperate to find it.
I investigate baristas, grocery clerks, waiters. Nothing.

I sort
efficient
excited
frantic to find it.
I flip through junk mail, magazines, cards. Nothing.

I listen
attentive
willing
weary to find it.
I hear videos, podcasts, music. Still nothing.

I run
searching
wanting
panicking.
I find empty stares, muffles, disconnection. Another day. Nothing.

I head home and sit alone, panting in and out.
Where is it? Will it ever find its way to me?
Oh Lord, tell me where it is hiding! I will look there tomorrow –
before my energy wanes into avalanches of self-doubt –
and this lifelong defeat will lift from my shoulders
and get carried away in the wind when I find it.

In this dry desert, the satisfaction will surely be
like a drop of water on a thirsty tongue when I finally taste it,
when I finally get that word
of encouragement.