One moment at a turning point can change a person’s life for the better or for the worse. Unfortunately, behind closed doors with church leaders, it’s often for the worse.
In a dark turning point, many abuse victims and people who are struggling are met with condescension, criticism, threats, blaming and discouragement, giving them more overwhelm and more reasons to give up. Instead of the peace of Christ, it provokes more internal panic and desperation to try to escape, not due to an unwillingness to be helped, but because they’re in survival mode. They have reached their limit fighting daily for their life and can’t handle one more thing. When they try to find resolution and clarity, they’re outcasted and made out to be ‘crazy’.
The devil can be ruthless. Control and right-fighting with knowledge only joins him in destroying sheep. When people’s lives are crashing and they’re trying to fight and better themselves, they need the love of Christ, not another battle to fight.
Some people have only experienced darkness in this life, one battle after another, until exhaustion takes over. During the healing process, their bodies will still automatically react to the past danger and go into protection mode. They have some internalized beliefs that are being transformed through God’s Word, but healing of the mind and body takes time.
Without yet realizing how their protection mode may come off to draw in what they don’t want and push away what they need, they often expect to be met with the hostility they’ve always known. Through experience, they’ve grown to believe it won’t be any other way. With so many relational difficulties and a life filled with abandonment and betrayal, sometimes deep down, they wonder if they were put here to be abused, used, and mistreated.
This kind of brokenness and trauma cannot be reasoned out; it is based in fear and can only be overpowered with love.
Abuse survivors often don’t need solutions or advice. They need to be heard, they need to be encouraged, and they need to be proven wrong and surprised with healthy connection.
Every time someone comes to you, it is not just another conversation or interaction on just another day. It is not by accident. That moment is significant in their life. God has put you there for a reason.
Unfortunately, many self-proclaimed shepherds have taken on the role of judge and disciplinarian, and overlook their role as the only protector, guide, and positive influence in a sheep’s life.
Jesus didn’t respond to people the way they treated Him; He loved first. He came to die for those who would mock Him and betray Him, and commit sins that put Him on a cross. He resurrected to bring salvation into a dark world for His fallen enemies. He did the unexpected. He loved first. It’s His love that draws broken hearts into His gospel.
How you treat someone in a turning point matters. It can discourage them into a relapse in the spirals of darkness or it can encourage them into the reminder of true everlasting hope in Christ.
By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. – 1 John 4:17
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. – 1 John 4:18
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:1-4
By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. – John 13:35
And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these. – Mark 12:30-31
Reference video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TgT33Ud7Hs8…
