Every morning, I apologized to you
for the burden of my existence.
To prove my worth to you,
I jogged and ran and sprinted
until my head filled with fog
and my insides tumbled out in misery.

When I fell, you pushed me down
with my nose toward the ground
further into punishment.

You took every opportunity to prey
on my every weakness
until you even convinced me
that the pain felt good.

In my desire to escape your manipulations and justifications,
you let others use me and mistreat me
and blame me.

You challenged me to become the worst version
full of evening highs and dopamine sprees.
You neglected my hunger and thirst for acknowledgement.
You treated my basic needs like insurmountable mountaintops.
You took me out, only so my humiliation could make you smile.
You waited until I was suffocating to try
to inhale the last breath of me.

You belittled me,
berated me,
deprived me,
devalued me.
You watched me spin out of control
and did nothing.
On the darker days,
you tried to overcome me.
You tried to deplete me,
to end me,

but here I am now
refusing to reflect
worthless,
hopeless,
inferior,
and the bottomless pit of nothing
you tried to make me out to be.

Instead, I’m staring you down
with value,
valiance,
and victory.
You can try to rear your ugly memories,
but your grip is gone. Your bond is broken.
Your death will never get out of the past.
Your accusations and identities have rotted
with old flesh.

Your temptations can no longer entice me.
Your loud silence can no longer torture me.
Your defilements can no longer define me.
You have tried to steal,
to kill,
and to destroy,
but only defeat lives in your midst.

A higher power now holds you
inside the mirror
where you can no longer be the me
who stops me.