Life after abortion is not the same for everyone, but it can be full of harsh realizations, broken promises, and humbled beliefs. The truth does not dissipate into the past, but expands and hits harder as the years go on. It can be brutal. The aftermath of abortion often doesn’t stand alone, but comes after a long line of trauma, many times dating all the way back to childhood. It is not the trigger, but rather, the catalyst igniting a turning point in life.
Many parents choose to live in the in-between after abortion because it’s so hard to admit the truth of the transgression and deal with the trauma that led up to it, but the middle is where the devil’s turmoil lives. Living in the middle is like being slowly consumed by quicksand. At first, it’s easy to walk over it, but with each obstacle slowing life down, it begins to get harder and harder to move forward. The effort just to get through the day becomes heavy and emotionally and mentally paralyzing. It leads to internal dysregulation, chaotic self-sabotage or an exhaustion that slowly gives up and fades away in life.
The enemy and sinful flesh are full of lies, but choosing to endure the agony of survival mode over healing makes logical sense. The heart, mind, soul, and body resisting the next step are right about one thing: the hard truth will bring unwanted suffering. It will bring debilitating grief for what was and what could have been. It will bring questions, doubts, and righteous anger. It will bring the darkness of unhealed wounds and a very tumultuous spiritual battle. The healing of God is not going to sound enticing to the flesh that loves instant gratification and comfort. It’s a spiritual transformation that won’t make sense to a wayward world.
As hard as it is to bear and comprehend, the loving Creator wants you to suffer, not just to know the magnitude of betrayal and death, but to magnify mercy and the resurrection.
He wants you to endure the refining fire because the accountability is where healing is, the death of self is where life is, the slavery to righteousness is where freedom is, the ashes is where beauty is, the pain is where purpose is, and the burning is where gold is.
Sometimes we want to hide our worst and present our best to impress the King, but inside the deepest soul wound is where the Savior is waiting. Before the foundation of the world, He already knew you and all you would do and He still created you and died for you. He took that sin on Himself. There is nothing too big or too much for Him. He loved you first.
Admitting and healing betrayal against the Lord is hard, but I’m pleading with you to not be stubborn and harden your heart like you did on that fateful day. Don’t continue to betray the One who gave His life for you by choosing day in and day out to live in the middle.
The bondage is real, but He already freed you from those chains. He never betrayed you. He took what you deserve, so stop trying to carry the weight of sin that has already been lifted. Stop trying to retarnish the slate that has already been wiped clean. Stop trying to work off the debt that has already been paid. Stop trying to count the cost only the King of King’s sacrifice can afford.
Stop trying to bleed from the Savior’s scars.
Just stop. Just turn. Face the storm of surrender and dare to walk into the valley that holds the key to His victory.
Just break. Just believe. Just heal.
The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone. – Isaiah 9:2
Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in affliction and in irons, for they had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High. So he bowed their hearts down with hard labor; they fell down, with none to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. – Psalm 107:10-14
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. – Psalm 23:4
But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. – 1 Corinthians 15:57
